Poon Job's Palace

since I last posted. For starters I left the film I was working as a line producer on due to many reasons. Among which was a shitty script, shitty director, shitty lead actor, shitty budget, & shitty delayed schedule (coincidently one guy was responsible for all of this). So I decided I didn't want to spend 7 weeks in Vancouver that would have no doubt turned into 3-4 months. 3-4 months of my life wasted on a film that will never see distribution. It was finally too much to bare, plus the writer/director/actor/general-douche responsible for this all was talking mad shit about everyone, including myself. Now that I walked his "epic" is seriously in the shitter and probably won't start filming until next year, if at all.
But it's all good cause I am working on a few other films. I finally formed my own production company. We have a website and all...we're so professional it's ridiculous. Anyways, this weekend I directed my first short. We finished editing the bulk of it yesterday, and need to mix the sound a little bit, but it should be up and running on the net sometime this week. It is all done in glorious HD which we will host on our site and post a lower resolution on youtube and myspace.
I will not reveal more as, I wan't the zero of you that read this blog to be surprised. We will also be working on a series of new shorts in the following weeks, among all the other things.

So the last few weeks have been pretty busy with scheduling, budgeting, and casting issues. So the director took off for Vancouver (where we plan on shooting this gem) this weekend and left me all alone running this shit down here. My production manager decided she wanted to take a vacation, which was overdue I guess. My executive works another job on Mondays so I have no one answering the phones for me...and I consider myself too important to answer them myself.
So I sit in my darkened office, usually teaming with troglodytes and douchebags, all by myself. Its as if all my slacking this weekend carried over to the work week and I don't have anyone here to pretend to work for. Even this blog reflects my general malaise.
In other news I saw the directors last film and all I heard about it was how great it was. How groundbreaking it was. How magnificent the symbolism was. What was my take on it? It is possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. Its target demographic must have been the blind, deaf, and dumb. Never before have I seen such remedial symbolism melded so seamlessly with bad acting. It also featured quite possibly the ugliest cast I have ever seen. Now I am no spring chicken, but when I can fully say that I am better looking then everyone in this film, even the women, it is a sad state of affairs. It truly is shocking why such a great film (winner of 15 independent film festivals no less) hasn't found distribution yet.
It truly instills confidence in me as half the scenes in this new epic are stolen from the last movie. I don't plan on staying on in post-production unless I am given full creative license to edit the shit out of this piece. Good thing I have classier shit films to fall back on. I'm crossing my fingers for Dorm Daze 4.

I moved to LA a little while back to work on a new film project. I am production manager, creative editor, and a casting director of sorts. Translation: I have to deal with idiots who dream of making it as actors. Unfortunately no one in their lives told them they can barely read let alone feign any emotion. The concept of inflection while speaking is foreign to them all. Oh how I long for a 5th grader to read the script, cause I'd probably be more impressed.
Its times like this I wonder how people make it this far in life. These are fucking adults who claim to do this for a living. You'd think practicing their craft would allow them to get better.
Anyways, the preliminary auditions are out of the way and these are technically the worst...I can't wait for the next couple weeks while we filter out all the shit and maybe I get to see some semi-competent people.
Other than that, I now hate everything else about this movie. I am in charge of product placement, as well as scheduling and budgeting, which means I've read the script some 50-odd times. Bright side is, I get to read it more. Yay me! What started as a tolerable script is now just an utter piece of crap. Its kinda like how I felt about the movie Speed. I kinda liked it the first time I saw it, and then progressively hated it more and more with each subsequent viewing.

You stay classy San Diego

at least when i plan for one. This weekend was supposed to be enjoyable. No hospital obligations, no retirement home obligations, no film or investor obligations. Just me geeked out in front of my tv playing Crackdown or watching movies. What'd I get. A little bit of Crackdown and a whole lot of bullshit. For starters I was called to work 3 times and got to spend almost as much time there as I normally do when I'm on call.
Next I found out my care giver was stealing shit from my retirement home which led me to firing her and having to find a replacement. So I get to drive around to Vallejo (Philipino capitol of California) and look for one while worrying that the old one is cleaning out my place cause she would catch on that I was gonna axe her. Luckily I got the jump on her and surprised her with her canning. She didn't even get a chance to get all of her things and I told her I'd send her stuff to her. She came to me with one small suitcase of shit and tried to leave with a fucking cargo container's worth. She even tried stealing shit from some of my clients. Anyways, thats one headache gone.
Then of course a couple investors I had referred to some studios decided they needed me to help handle a meeting with a few of the higher ups even though the contracts were already signed and I assured all their bases were covered they still needed me to meet with them and have a phone conference.
To make things worse, my invitation to the 300 premiere in LA may have been redacted. Fuck it all.

there comes a time in every man's life when they mus contemplate wearing a man ring. I'm not talking about a wedding ring, cause god only knows when I'll trick some girl into wasting her whole life with me. I am talking about the staple of male jewelry along with the gold necklace hidden among chest hair.
So I was in LA this weekend doing the Hollywood pitch schpeel and whatnot. Figuring out some investor things on a few projects as well as talking to a few studios trying to attach a few projects. The basic shit you see on Entourage. So anyways, I meet with 5 execs this weekend and I noticed that 3 of the 5 were sporting man rings.

One sported what looked like his college ring which is all well and good. I had issues with it cause he didn't win an NCAA championship of any sort and that is the only excuse I would ever give a guy to wear one of those. The next guy wore a glorious topaz stone deal, at least I thought it was topaz. And the final guy sported a gaudy, yet tres hip thick gold band. What did these 3 men have in common?
They were all relatively successful, appear to be rich, and all appear to be single from what I ascertained. Could being single be the key to success? Quite possibly, but I'm thinking its the man ring. Now I just gotta figure out which one would work for me.

I was reading the following passage and it seemed apt. I have a cynical view on valentine's day myself which is why i don't really seem to be happy this time of year, but it is always in my best interests to blame evrything about the holiday cause passing the buck is the American way. Anyways...I agree with a lot of this which is kinda odd yet I felt the need to post it. Hopefully my dwindling readership will be more interested in something not written by myself:

Zod on "Valentine's Day"
Inhabitants of Planet Houston. Slaves of Zod. It has come to my attention that many of you have been preparing to celebrate a human emotion known as "Love". I have heard that this celebration is called "Valentine's Day" and that it is filled with all sorts of unnecessary luxuries that I did not give you permission to enjoy. And what is this "love" you speak of anyway?

Before killing a defiant slave for not kneeling before me, I asked him the question "What is love? How does one show it?" He claimed that it was a human way of showing that you care for another person. Like pets I suppose. Furthermore, he explained to me some of the ways that you humans express this "love" to one another.

First there is the exchange of "flowers", a most peculiar ritual. You humans actually rip flowers from the ground, the same plants that provide you with your life-sustaining oxygen, and give them to your loved ones? Why is it that you choose to give your loved ones the carcasses of befallen vegetation? Is this love? Perhaps I am beginning to understand and even relate to it after all. The way to express your "love" for someone is to demonstrate that you are willing to kill another life form for them.

Then there is the issue of chocolate. According to some, if the human emotion "love" could be collected and stored in an edible morsel, it would be chocolate. I went to one of your "stores" and took one of these "Whitman's Samplers" into my hands. Upon opening the box, I not only discovered chocolates, but I discovered a guide which informed me about what was contained within them. These unhealthy chunks of chemicals are how you show your "love" for each other? Pathetic. If you truly loved one another, you would tear out your own hearts and exchange them.

From my obviously correct perspective, "love" looks a lot like gluttony to me. While I am sure eating all of this "chocolate" would help you gain weight so that your knees would have more cushioning to rest upon while you kneel before me, it is not something I approve of. Your kneeling shouldn't be a "cushioned" experience, it should be painful. Because if you are willing to suffer to prove your allegiance to me, then that is the only way I will allow you to live your life as one of my loyal slaves.

But fear not my slaves, for I believe I have found the cause of this vile disease known as love. After much research, I discovered that there is a disrobed defiant minikin-creature known as "Cupid" who flies across the land. And while I see you are practiced in worshipping things that fly, the only flying being on this planet that you need worship is Zod!

According to what my studies have shown, this "Cupid" flies around and shoots people with his arrows so that they may fall in love. While arrows may break the skin of your fragile bodies, they can't possibly stand up to my eye lasers! Therefore, I have decided to kill this "Cupid" and take his place.

If you wish to "fall in love" with another slave, then so be it. I will shoot you just as Cupid would. And as your bodies turn to ash as a result of my eye lasers, your last thoughts should be about how you "loved" being a slave for Zod in your short and utterly meaningless little lives.



So this Valentine's Day, remember the following:

I do not love you. I rule you. I "love" to rule you. And the great General Zod will not hesitate to kill any of you to demonstrate this love. Never forget that.

which is cool cause I like rice crispies anyway. I never get to eat breakfast cause of my lame schedule so when I do get the chance to I enjoy it. Unfortunately some dingus jacked my personal milk carton from the lounge so I got to enjoy a cup of black coffee and no cereal for breakfast. I will track down the culprit and destroy them.
I also went back to court and got to deal with another bitch of a clerk. They made me wait a few days so I could give them my money now. They are so considerate.
Also...I decided I am going to cut my hair. My resisting a trim for no reason doesn't work when it rains, cause my jew fro gets extra curly when wet.
Full stop

stupid speeding ticket. I apparently failed to appear before the date of my extension thanks to work and me getting pre-occupied. So I finally find my ticket with docket # and go in this morning to court. I got the evil look from the clerk which was great. I showed her proof of insurance and tried to pay it off. She wouldn't let me claiming since I was late I had to schedule a meeting with the judge. So I ask for a time slot with the judge today. She says no. I look at my sheet of paper that says arrive at the court house between 8:00 and 8:30 AM to register a slot. I look behind me in line and see one other person. I then look at the clock on the wall which says 8:05. So I ask her politely when can I register a time slot. She then tells me Friday. So I calmly say thankyou and walk away. She then yells at me, they may issue a warrant for your arrest.
I guess I shoulda shaved this morning...maybe I woulda looked less arab. Cause I still don't get why she was so mean to me. It almost made me want to cry.

to unfriend someone in real life. Its so much more gratifying than on the internet, even though I did miss my mouse. Basically this guy had been lying to me about stupid bullshit for the last month and I finally had enough of it. I didn't mind most of it until last night. I went to my friend's going away party and the shit hit the fan. Assmunch had a puppy dog crush on my friend in spite of the fact that she has a boy friend, who also happens to be my friend.
This entry is my girly gossip one so deal with it. So my friend, lets call her Rock (the one who was supposed to join us at the Blue Bar on Friday) moved down to southern california today. Her boyfriend, i'll call him Heart is already down there for school. Since he's been down my ex-friend, has been working extra hard to put the moves on. I've talked with Patty telling her not to be as flirty with the guy but she's flirty by nature. For the last 3 months he keeps doing creepy things around her (he probabley has a doll made of her hair) and I confronted him about it. So he lies constantly saying he respects her, they're just friends, yada yada yada.
Long story somewhat short, he lurks around her while she gets loaded, puts the moves on her in full site. She resists, he still goes for it. I see this and tell him to talk to me for a sec. We go outside and I tell him to back off all nice and calm. He gets pissed at me saying I'm cock blocking. I told him to relax, he called me a bitch and called me jealous. He accuses me of trying to hook up with her failing to realize I'm actually friends with her boyfriend.

This shit is so highschool, which is why i am glad Rock and Heart no longer live here and I don't have to deal with their shit...now all i need are some lesbos in a hot tub and i'm gravy.

Apparently a request was made to bring this festering pile of crap back, and I am not one two disappoint. This blog is like the McRib sandwich, bringing its disgustingly delectible flavor for a limited engagement, depending on how long my readership stays. Seeing as the blog circle I frequented is back in full effect I decided to be motivated to push it to the limit. I could go Family Guy here and bring another pop culture reference, but I shall restrain myself. Been swamped with life and work in general but I sit here at work bored...putting in the hours so I won't have to be here on the Superbowl. I don't have too much hit to reflect on yet, seeing as I just saw my fanclub yesterday and they have already been updated.
Now back to business.
Jacqui...you are back in the links...not sure why you weren't there. Your icon pic will change whenever the hell i find some new ones, so worry not.
Joe, I look forward to more in depth analysis of all things horse related.
"I don't really get pleasure from him being inside of me. I get pleasure at the idea that he enjoys it so much."
- Friedrich Nietzsche