Poon Job's Palace

Ye shall be missed
Footloose and Beethoven's 2nd were classics

in fact I was thinking of printing this out and framing it in my new place.
if only I knew what inspired such a glorious work.

Special thanks go out to my new favorite artist. I hope you're enjoying your time on the ranch with this guy

So I was dicking around on the internet, which I have found myself doing more every day without the time drain that is BL and I came across Blogshares.com. After messing with the site I found all of our blogs there. I quickly proceeded to purchase as much of them as possible. Apparently Joe has been a member a while and traded his blog. Joe I am now the majority owner of your blog, as well as yours Ang. Alex, I own 35% of yours. Hell I even own some of CJ's. I figure that site will pass my time for all of 2 days, in which I will just sit on the "stocks" I own as they plummet. By the way, Joe and Ang...thanks to my purchasing of your blogs your apparent "value" has skyrocketed. Now all I have to do is have a fire sale and sink your blogs into oblivion.

Also, while dicking around I came across a perfect site for you Alex.
The army theme is for you Ang.

Also...I just got a message from Joshler. He tells me he got banned. Someone please update me as to what that loveable teddy bear got banned for. I need my Joshler fix stat.

I felt it was time to update the blog. I even found a few sleek templates, but alas, I couldn't figure out how to get the Peanut Butter & Jelly Time pic and my dancing penis thing incorporated. So I have decided to force my readers to help me figure this out. I wanted to put the dancing penis where the arrow pic is on the right side of the blog and wanted to fit the Brian pic in the header.
Joe:
I give you a DOA character pic to massage your member to

Ang:
I give you a nice photo of your favorite Sore Butt Bluff star.

Alex:
I highly doubt you'd help seeing as your own blog is in disarray, but here's some glucophage anyway


You are now obligated to help me

is such a holy place to be. So anyways after days of my "friend" harassing me to help him save his relationship, me helping him, and him further fucking it up I finally told him it was gonna be my way or the highway. And we all know that highway rest stops are the bathhouses of the new millenium for many, many gay men.
He kept telling me he had a problem expressing his feelings, which led me to question why he was such an oversensitive douche if he couldn't express his feelings. So I tell him to write a letter for hi woman and to give it to her and walk away. He has a tendency to cling like a bitch. So he comes to me asking, "what should i write?"
I proceed to come up with as many cliches for love as I can and dictate his letter to him. Then he decides he wants to improvise and throw in his own clingy mushy shit. This is where I drew the line. I told him if you ask for my help you listen. There is no room for error unless you want to spend the rest of your miserable life alone. He might as well move back in with his parents.

So he "writes" this sappy letter and delivers it to her. He then proceeds to hang around her so she can read it in his presence. Luckily I called him and told him to go home. His girl is the type that wants what she can't have (pretty much like every woman in the world) so I had to explain the "unavailable" maneuver. Finally through all his bumbling she tells him she loves him and wants to be with him. He then tells me he loves me, which is kinda odd cause I don't really know him all that well. He then proceeds to hug me in one of the gayest moments I have ever experienced. I stood there with my arms at his side as he embraced me with tears in his eye. I repeatedly said its okay, occasionally patting him on the back so he would let me go. I think he was sporting wood...or he had a tootsie roll in his pocket.

So I apparently saved the day...but I give his relationship only 3 more weeks tops. I hope it goes longer cause I can always use that letter as leverage over him. Hell, he has reserved me a new Xbox 360 game and bought me an extra controller. Good thing he paid in cash for the reserve and its in my name so he can't retract it if he gets dumped againn.

also...what the fuck is up with me updating my blog more than all of you...that ain't right

with my last post. Please forgive me as I give you this awesome pic.
So anyways, a "friend" and I use the term loosely as he is more of an acquaintance calls me today balling like a school girl cause his girlfriend is probably gonna dump him. He insists he meet me for advice. Who the fuck am I? Dr. Ruth? So anyways I tell him I'm busy, cause I do have to pay the bills somehow, yet he keeps insisting...so in an effort to get him off my back I agree. About 2 months ago I was a dumbass and saved his relationship cause he didn't know how to play the game. I talked to his woman and basically fed her every stupid line imaginable. I then proceeded to tell him what to say and he proceeded to fuck up every solid gold line. He also is the insanely jealous douchy sensitive type so its hard for him to deal with relationships. He gets too emotionally involved, too fast.
Judging by the way he acts I'd swear he was a virgin before he met this girl. And now he is calling me again so I need to go and change his diaper.

and bought myself an xbox 360 last week (I know you've had yours for about 50 days Joe). I felt I needed a fix as I haven't really played many games as of late (probably due to the fact that I am a sex addict). Why did I buy it? For one game only. Smash TV. I forgot how ridiculously hard that game was to beat without continuing. I also bought Perfect Dark Zero, which looks amazing on my 73'' DLP...yes my TV is that big which means I am overcompensating for something (I wonder what).
I justified the purchase to my ladyfriend (aka my biggest critic) by claiming that the TV is so big I had to have a wireless system so that I can sit at a safe distance. Plus its high def and I need everything to be high def to feed my anal retentive nature.
As good as Perfect Dark Zero looks, it can't hold a candle to Fight Night Round 3. I downloaded the demo from Xbox Live (I am a Silver member cause my old one expired and I don't have time to justify paying more for it...for now at least) and have enjoyed kicking the shit out of Roy Jones, Jr.
Hopefully Perfect Dark will hold me over until Street Fighter II Turbo Hyper Fighting comes out.



Oh yeah...to follow up on the Laker/Clipper game. Frankie Muniz handed out the game ball. Rosanna Arquette sat courtside (and might I add she has an awesome rack). The Lakers won. Kobe blew up. The box seats were awesome. I got to ride in a Hummer Limo to and from the game. I bumped into Penny Marshall at the VIP entrance and she mummbled some gibberish at me when I said "excuse me." I have now realized that every trip I make to LA I bump into some B-list celeb worthy of being on Inside Edition, which is kinda weird.

I flew on a plane

I landed in Cincinnati

We had a cup of coffee (Cincinnati really looks like Japan)

I slipped her a roofie and took care of business

I used these in honor of Joe

I then left Cincinnati faster than you can say Chris Sabo

CJ was sad and got all dark and depressed



The end....for now

Box Seats baby, and yes I am going. Funny thing is I don't care about basketball anymore...I have been soured being a Warriors fan and seeing them miss the playoffs for the last 11 years. The last good live basketball experience I had was when I saw the Warriors beat the Blazers and Chris Webber tore it up. So anyway, I am heading down to the city of angels with my lady friend to visit some friends, hang out, and take in a game.
I can't wait to stick a giant sausage in my mouth when I'm in the box...translate that.


update: I once met CJ in an airport. We had a cup of coffee. I nearly missed my flight.

I shall post pictures of our Cincinasty adventure in my next post

but not really...i just didn't feel like following the negative trend set by my only 2 readers. Anyways, New Year's Eve was quite uneventful. I went to PF Chang's for dinner with my lady friend, my brother, and his lady friend (mainly because I slacked on the reservations and could only settle for this). The bright side was the place wasn't nearly as packed as it usually is. We hung out at the bar for a while and a shocking thing happened. My brother actually picked up the tab. I'm not getting too excited about that, cause I'm probably going to end up paying for it later.
Dinner was pretty uneventful. We had to order a bunch of vegetarian and seafood dishes as my brother is now a pescatarian (he loves Jesus) so I didn't get to order the meat that I craved so much. We finish dinner at around 11:00 (thanks to the late reservation) and head over to my brother's girlfriend's house (maiinly cause I was too lazy to go downtown, plus it was freezing). We proceed to get drunk off of wine (which is generally not my fortay) and watch Dick Clark (who looks like he is one encounter with a New York whore away from death).
After this, I headed back to my place to get busy, and by busy I mean go to sleep. I am generally an insomniac so when I can get somerest I take it, even if it means I pass up on getting laid.
We then woke up and watched the 40-Year Old Virgin and then she made me brunch which was pretty good. We took the rest of the day pretty easy until we started fighting over some trivial shit. But then we made up with angry sex and all was well in the land of Kav.

Cause my sexuality confuses many and I give advice when it is not needed. So I never concluded my North Carolina story as I left that god forsaken state and haven't had time since being back on the West Side. So basically part 2 of the BL adventure ended up with me and the evil one going to some pub in the middle of fucking nowhere...occupied by about 4 people. We then returned to the Carolina Ale House, but sadly Blossom was not working. It was here that Ang's fagginess exceeded levels which I thought she wouldn't be able to.
She thought some waiter was cute, but she couldn't talk to him so I tried a few passing comments to get his attention. It was only until after opening my mouth did I realize he seemed more interested in flirting with me instead of her, which made me come off as gayer than Liberace. Good thing she also set her eyes on Blossom's bad replicant (I say that cause he's similar looking to Blossom, but with only 4 front teeth).
This is where we proceeded to leave the Ale House for Jax's (and yes it was owned by the Mortal Kombat character)


The crowd wasn't as large here, but was better simply for its mullets. We tried a few times to get a picture of him without making it too obvious that we were, so we resorted to me pretending to hang from a basketball rim that was just over his head. I will forever go down in history as the guy who dunked on one of the members of Foghat.



For a while it appeared as if Ang had an in with Bad Replicant, but this ended poorly as he chose to serenade the fat mom from What's Eating Gilbert Grape. Apparently this woman with a huge rack who was even browner than Ang (probably due to the 18 coats of foundation) peaked his interest a bit more (and we all know what I mean when I say peak).

So we were then relegated to playing cod batting, strip poker, peep show, and trivia on one of those video game things.


All in all we both ended up seeing lots of titties, Ang got donkey punched and succeded in ruining the stereotype I had set up for her all at the same time. We then proceeded to an IHOP where she ate a sausage covered in menses.


By reading her new blog she regained some of her "street cred", but I am seriously starting to doubt her abilities.


Before Kav


During Kav


After Kav


I feel like breaking trend and posting my New Year's Adventure in a few days...just to be different