Poon Job's Palace

is such a holy place to be. So anyways after days of my "friend" harassing me to help him save his relationship, me helping him, and him further fucking it up I finally told him it was gonna be my way or the highway. And we all know that highway rest stops are the bathhouses of the new millenium for many, many gay men.
He kept telling me he had a problem expressing his feelings, which led me to question why he was such an oversensitive douche if he couldn't express his feelings. So I tell him to write a letter for hi woman and to give it to her and walk away. He has a tendency to cling like a bitch. So he comes to me asking, "what should i write?"
I proceed to come up with as many cliches for love as I can and dictate his letter to him. Then he decides he wants to improvise and throw in his own clingy mushy shit. This is where I drew the line. I told him if you ask for my help you listen. There is no room for error unless you want to spend the rest of your miserable life alone. He might as well move back in with his parents.

So he "writes" this sappy letter and delivers it to her. He then proceeds to hang around her so she can read it in his presence. Luckily I called him and told him to go home. His girl is the type that wants what she can't have (pretty much like every woman in the world) so I had to explain the "unavailable" maneuver. Finally through all his bumbling she tells him she loves him and wants to be with him. He then tells me he loves me, which is kinda odd cause I don't really know him all that well. He then proceeds to hug me in one of the gayest moments I have ever experienced. I stood there with my arms at his side as he embraced me with tears in his eye. I repeatedly said its okay, occasionally patting him on the back so he would let me go. I think he was sporting wood...or he had a tootsie roll in his pocket.

So I apparently saved the day...but I give his relationship only 3 more weeks tops. I hope it goes longer cause I can always use that letter as leverage over him. Hell, he has reserved me a new Xbox 360 game and bought me an extra controller. Good thing he paid in cash for the reserve and its in my name so he can't retract it if he gets dumped againn.

also...what the fuck is up with me updating my blog more than all of you...that ain't right