Poon Job's Palace

I have a dog named Odie. He's half dachsund, half chihuahua. I got him almost 4 years ago. In fact I got him the day after he got neutered (if only I had been there a day earlier).
Over the years I've had him he's never had a sex drive. In fact he tends to be quite depressed around the bitches. They all tend to get submissive around him (basically begging for him to hump em), but alas he never felt the need to do so.
Until a few weeks ago. My girl was in town and needless to say we fucked like rabbits. Normally his dog bed is in my room, but he sleeps on my bed anyway. So we made a point of leaving him out of the room when we got it on, mainly to spare him the trauma of seeing my balls.
As we all know, dogs have a heightened sense of smell. And apparently he was able to smell our pheromones and this seemed to get him all hot and bothered.
After one session we cleaned up and let him in the bedroom. As we open the door he bolts in, panting, basically all hyper. He has a tendency to get hyper when he's in a playful mood, but this seemed different.
So he jumps up on the bed, forms my blanket into a ball with his paws and proceeds to go nuts on it. For the first time in years he was able to get it up. I was quite proud of his red rocket as it had never reached this level before. He was basically hung more than some dudes, which is kinda odd seeing as he is only about a foot and a half long, weighing in at a massive 10 pounds.
As he was showing my blanket who was boss, my girl ran for her camera and took the following pictures. She finally got the roll developed and emailed me the pics...and here they are

and absolutely none of it is interesting in the least. First off my internet has been down and my workload has increased which explains why I have failed to live up to the Semmy-like standards that we have all got accustomed to.
So anyways...out of my recent lackluster period the most noteable happening is that my parents officially despise the girl I'm with right now.
Its not a big deal as I always expect them to hate whoever I'm with. Somewhere in their bicekering I said, "you should be glad that I'm straight...at least I got that going for me."
Needless to say they didn't find it nearly as humorous as I did. So anyways...what makes this case different then all the others is that now my parents are actively trying to break me up and set me up with some girl they like. This unfortunately adds the pressure to find the special "someone" in their eyes. They're probably feeling pressured as my little brother is quite serious with his girl and in their fucked up way that implies that I have to be serious too.
During my single periods (however short they may be) I was never set up with anyone as I would never want to go out with any girl my parents liked, as I have absoultely nothing in common with them and don't appreciate their poor tastes.
So anyways...now they've sicked this boring ass nut job on me, who apparently doesn't get the hint that I have a girlfriend. Basically the only thing this chick has going for her is looks and money, but nothing else up top. Anyways...thats all that has been going on with me lately.
If anyone wants to get hooked up with an esthetically pleasing yet impressively boring person feel free to send me your number and I'll forward it to her.
Additionally I would like some advice on how to blow this broad off, as all my previous efforts have failed.

also...my blog address has changed due to random ass bitches from "real life" have been trying to talk to me on the internet...creepy

Here is the PS3...I'm sure all of you in the know have already checked it out, but seeing as I already posted pics of the other systems it would be wrong to leave this one out cold.

I figured Alex wasn't too happy with all the Xbox 360 stuff cause he is more of a Nintendo fanboy

This one is for you buddy

Thats right...I decided to cave in and buy Star Wars: Episode 3 tickets. I went to the theater yesterday and picked up some tickets for myself and some friends. I decided not to deal with another midnight show (as it was barely tolerable for Episode 2 [primarily due to major suckage]) so I picked up tickets for Thusday.
Initially I had tickets for lunch time, but something came up so I had to change it to 5:45. Then something else came up so I had to change it to 7:30.
I eagerly anticipate waiting in line amongst an army of middle aged men who live with their parents dressed as Jedi. I only hope to avoid another incident in which I steal some douches lightsaber toy (via my "force powers") and pummel him profusely.
I am expecting this movie to suck ass as I do not care for intergalactic senate relations or whatever other shit George Lucas finds worthy of wasting half a film on, but I need closure.
Hopefully they kill off all the jedi in good fashion...that'll definitely make it worth my while.

I'm sure you all really care, and due to the fact that Joe decided not elaborate I bring you the Xbox 360

Ang...I told you I would get you on all fours
As for the rest of you...I hope these pathetic little icons bring joy into your otherwise meaningless lives.

Enjoy

I can't believe I just quoted a lame cell phone commercial. Anyways I decided to spend mother's day with my mother (which if you know my relationship with her is a feat in itself). What did we do, you might ask?
Well I had made reservations at Benihana, and even convinced my brother to take time out of his busy schedule to drive down. Did it all go according to plan? Not in the least.
So I talk to my folks on Saturday and they tell me that they were invited to someone's house for lunch on Sunday. No problem...I could just bump the reservations back from lunch to dinner.
As quickly as I did that, my dad tells me his cousins from out of town are coming over for dinner. At this point I gave up on my whole going out to eat idea.
Now I had to get her a gift, which I was trying to avoid by taking her out to eat. Every Mother's Day for as long as I can remember, she has hated every gift I have ever given her. She may not say it, but the fact that she returns the gifts or never uses any of em kinda leans towards that. She always said don't waste your money on stupid gifts.
Seeing as it was Sunday morning and I had no gift, I hauled ass down to the local Safeway and pick her up some flowers. Apparently I wasn't the only one partaking in the last minute shopping. I had to wait in line for about a half hour for one fucking item. Anyways...I make the mad dash back to my parents' place just as they had finished getting ready to go out.
Maybe it was the fact that she was in a rush to go out, or was distracted with something else, but she accepted the flowers and was in quite a pleasant mood when doing so (which is not normal for my mom).
So anyways we went to their friends' for lunch which was quite nice. Only problem was their friends' daughter ended up giving my mom a nice set of earrings for Mother's Day, which made my offering of flowers look quite pathetic.
After lunch, my brother heads back up to his place and I head back to parents' place. I help my mom clean up the place and prepare dinner for my Dad's cousins.
This is where I realized that I shouldn't have stuck around. I get stuck for the next 4 hours baby sitting 5 little babies. The oldest of which is 2 years old. "Pediatrics is your specialty," my mom said as she dumped them off with me.
I love kids...don't get me wrong, but 5 without any other help was a bit overwhelming.
Seeing kids on a regular basis with help of nurses and staff is much, much easier than dealing with em by myself (albeit 5 at once is a bit much as well). Maybe it was the fact that I kept them busy so my mom could enjoy herself, or maybe it was the fact that I was covered in mashed carrots by nights' end, but my Mom actually thanked me for a wonderful day.

It was kinda creepy

Just thought today was more important than 5-5-05. Normally I'm not a huge fan of Mexican , but I could definitely see myself eating some today. Alas she is out of town so I am shit out of luck.
So anyways...I didn't drink at all yesterday as I felt no need to partake in drinking based on a pseudo-holiday (please refer to The Luck of the Irish post). What did I do you might ask...I watched 3 straight episodes of Teammates on ESPN. Why you might ask?
Cause some fuckhead had the remote and I was too lazy to get up. I followed up this eventful day by trying to watch Days of Thunder on ESPN, but found myself bored shitless and only got through about a half hour of it. I guess NASCAR is boring in all forms.
Anyways...I hope you all get laid on this very special day as I don't see myself getting any.
And one final note...I hope you all are as stoked as I am for the steaming pile of horse shit that is the Kentucky Derby

Not a lot has happened since my last post. I am no longer fucking like a rabbit...which means that Ang must have returned to form (its how the universe balances itself).
I picked up Ridge Racer for the PSP and have yet to play it...the graphics look sweet, but I haven't found the time to get to it yet...hopefully it is as good as the reviews say.

I also have found a way to finally utilize the blue tooth feature in my phone thanks to my new computer...No longer will I have to pay for ringtones or games (which I have yet to do anyway) as I can just transfer my MP3's and all sorts of other shit from my computer.
Sadly my phone only has a 32 mb memory card so I can only watch short clips of porn so far.

Additionally...a special shoutout goes to Joe who added the little dancing penis for me. And congratulations go out to CJ for making my links section again. How long will it take before I break your blog again?

Fuck that absence making the heart grow fonder shit. Its been a while since I have posted and a lot has happened in the last few weeks. My girlfriend came up from LA last week and I was "pre-occupied" if you know what I mean. If you don't know what I mean, I've been boning for the last few weeks.
So anyways...it was quite the eventful trip. Firstly she bought me a PSP, and might I say it is fan-fucking-tastic. I've been playing Tiger Woods golf religiously and am almost at the legend level. She also got me Tony Hawk's Underground 2 for it, but I have yet to really get into that one yet. The graphics are solid and the speakers are quite decent for the size. All I need now is one of those 2 gig memory cards so I can watch movies and put more music on it.
Anyways...I could rant on and on about videogames but I'm sure that would get you too excited so I'll stop.
So anyways...after dealing with my piece of shit laptop that had plagued me for years only to fry out (please refer to my "R.I.P. HP Pavilion ze5170" post) I finally caved and purchased a 15 inch Mac G4 Powerbook w/ Superdrive.
And might I say that it is quite amazing. I had to wait to get it on Friday cause Mac OSX Tiger was coming out that day and I didn't want to shell out the money to buy that seperately.
So I drove up to Sacramento to purchase it with the intention of using my brother's student discount. Luckily there was a gift giveaway at the Apple Store and I won 10% my purchase, which turned out to save me more than the student discount would have. So far I haven't really had too much time to dick around with it, but seeing as my girlfriend left today I figure it will be a good distractor.
I am currently in the act of redoing my iTunes library and restocking some of the valuable porn that I had lost.
Anyways...I guess I missed a lot (seeing as I have lost the number 1 stop I had once held on Joe's blog) but I feel that the constant fucking, getting a PSP and a new laptop is a pretty fair trade off.
Hopefully this link will help me move up in the rankings
Additionally I would like to welcome back CJ to posting on the blog. You should definitely talk to my new friend Shirley...she's just as fucked up as you are.