Valentine's Day is for homos
That's right...I said it. Valentine's day is nothing but a fruity ass pseudo-holiday created by Joe Hallmark to sell a shitload of useless paraphanalia. I think it is obvious to say that my view expresses my current single status. Needless to say I decided to put this post in festive red to please the hopeless romantics (namely Alex).
Which brings me to an odd fact that was brought to my knowledge the other day. Apparently for the last 3 years I have broken up with the girl I was going out with at the time prior to this ass-sucking day. Usually they do something that annoys me and I adopt an avoidant behavior to prevent me from saying or doing anything that may get me dumped, which ends up getting me dumped anyway. Its a catch-22.
So my friend tells me I suffer from attachment issues and I act to distant towards women to prevent myself from getting too emotionally involved. She followed this off by telling me that I view women as objects and nothing more than a "hole for me to fuck."
Cutting her off for fear of hearing some Freudian crap about my penis or an Oedipal complex, I decide to tell her that I value her opinion and she is a true friend for expressing such wisdom.
Translation: You're lucky you're my friend and I'm not in the mood to argue. Now go fuck yourself...and while you're doing that pick me up a cup of coffee.
After this discussion I realized what my problem is. It wasn't any of that psycho-analytical schovanistic bull shit she was trying to pin on me. No sirree Bob. I suffer from a relationship allergy to the month of February. It makes perfect sense as I looked at the pattern of most of my break-ups. It is my immune system's natural defense mechanism for me to fuck up relationships at this time of year. I could probably suffer from hives or even worse anaphylactic shock.
Now all I have to do is wait for the New England Journal of Medicine to post an article regarding this alment or wait until March 1st (whichever comes first) to get into a new pseudo-relationship. My advice to you...save all of your money on crappy gifts and spend it on important shit that can benefit you, like baseball cards or comic books and shit.
Remember, if you are in a loving relationship they are obligated to have sex with you regardless of gifts.
Which brings me to an odd fact that was brought to my knowledge the other day. Apparently for the last 3 years I have broken up with the girl I was going out with at the time prior to this ass-sucking day. Usually they do something that annoys me and I adopt an avoidant behavior to prevent me from saying or doing anything that may get me dumped, which ends up getting me dumped anyway. Its a catch-22.
So my friend tells me I suffer from attachment issues and I act to distant towards women to prevent myself from getting too emotionally involved. She followed this off by telling me that I view women as objects and nothing more than a "hole for me to fuck."
Cutting her off for fear of hearing some Freudian crap about my penis or an Oedipal complex, I decide to tell her that I value her opinion and she is a true friend for expressing such wisdom.
Translation: You're lucky you're my friend and I'm not in the mood to argue. Now go fuck yourself...and while you're doing that pick me up a cup of coffee.
After this discussion I realized what my problem is. It wasn't any of that psycho-analytical schovanistic bull shit she was trying to pin on me. No sirree Bob. I suffer from a relationship allergy to the month of February. It makes perfect sense as I looked at the pattern of most of my break-ups. It is my immune system's natural defense mechanism for me to fuck up relationships at this time of year. I could probably suffer from hives or even worse anaphylactic shock.
Now all I have to do is wait for the New England Journal of Medicine to post an article regarding this alment or wait until March 1st (whichever comes first) to get into a new pseudo-relationship. My advice to you...save all of your money on crappy gifts and spend it on important shit that can benefit you, like baseball cards or comic books and shit.
Remember, if you are in a loving relationship they are obligated to have sex with you regardless of gifts.
i hate valentines hence the red...and Ceej is probably fuming that I didn't give her mad props yo
Posted by
Kav |
8:00 PM
you can't hide your jealousy...its alright...I'll make sure to give you a shout out when you least expect it...after all you are one half of my current readers
Posted by
Kav |
8:29 PM
As someone who lives in the town of fudge-packing I say bend over and deal with it
ceej- you actually subscribe to this shit?! You are my new 2nd favorite poster.
Posted by
Kav |
8:42 PM
keep it up and you'll be my 3rd favorite poster
Posted by
Kav |
8:49 PM
if you noted the previous posts that had 30+ comments you would note that we treat this as a pseudo-message board. its like the dumpster behind the gym where all the cool kids used to smoke in highschool.
Posted by
Kav |
9:04 PM
what would semmy do? i know he'd post as many comments as possible and describe his innermost feelings in hopes of getting laid on the internet...thats what i want to do.
Posted by
Kav |
9:11 PM
look at the bright side...the odds of you getting an STD in that time has greatly dropped.
Posted by
Kav |
9:16 PM
I know I'm late to this party, because I didn't know you were posting again.
But jesus, I'm blind now, so this will be the last post I read.
Posted by
The Noillyprat Cat |
3:45 PM
Apparently you must've been living under a rock cause my blog is what helped the "bloggers" get recognition in the Time Magazine People/Person of the Year competition a few months ago.
Posted by
Kav |
3:53 PM
I truly hope this news lives up to the hype and is as exciting as you say it will be. Make sure to invite me to the wedding...and also I would like to take this opportunity to throw my name in the hat for potential godfathers for any of your upcoming children
Posted by
Kav |
8:22 PM
That is a harsh thing to say to your future husband and godfather of your children.
Posted by
Kav |
8:21 AM
You are such a callous bitch...you are lucky that Alex cares for you with all of his heart.
Posted by
Kav |
8:11 PM
remember that time you said you loved Alex and you were my dutiful servant...that post was infinitely better than your recent ones
please bring substance back to your posts.
Thank you.
Posted by
Kav |
8:22 PM
that was pretty funny though...remember when you destroyed your blog because of it...hi-fucking-larious.
now put some effort into a post or i will be forced to make one up and claim that you wrote it yourself
Posted by
Kav |
8:30 PM
I shall give you until tomorrow night at 12:00 PM EST to impress me...otherwise you shall leave me no choice but to make something up
Posted by
Kav |
8:59 PM
Got Dumped on Valentines Day once dude.. bummer... keep your chin up.
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:56 PM
that must be awesome for you...apparently you misinterpreted my self absorbed rant for actual caring
Posted by
Kav |
8:11 PM